The #1 Duece

If you’ve ever been a pledge you’ve done some wierd shit. 

One day I was minding my own business playing Bo Jackson in Tecmo football (the greatest ever video game player) when Cranny, an active brother who was just about to graduate, ran into my room.  Lucky for me my room was the closest to the community shitter.  He hysterically grabbed  me by my shirt and drug me into the doorless shitter.   We were joined by a buzzing group of brothers. 

I wondered what all the fuss was about.  I soon figured out that it was the worlds longest and most perfectly symetrical loads of all time. 

This thing was priceless.  It was literally resting lazily in a perfect full circle around the rim of the toilet just where the water level peaks against the porcelain walls.  The ends of the dynamic dump touched ever so gently that you’d have thought they were a couple of geriatrics kissing.  It was a thick as your wrist.  It smelled like shit.

 I wondered why I had to get involved.  Well Cranny needed a pledge to guard the toilet whilst he went to buy a polaroid camera.  I was told that under no circumstances were I to allow anyone to flush the masterpiece away.  The threat of death was clearly communicated.

Over 1 hour later Cranny returned to photograph his creation.  By then the water had turned tea colored. 

I’ve never in my life seen someone as excited about his excrement than Cranny on that day.  I wish I could track down that picture.  If I do I’ll post it.



~ by Stan Gable on August 22, 2008.

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