Julie “Cess” Pool

So one night, the guys all convinced me to go hoggin with them. Hoggin’, is the act of trying to pick up fat chicks and usually involves a bet. On this particular evening, about eight of us agreed to put $20 into a pool. Fatest chick with evidence of the conquest won.

So I meet Julie. About 5’2″, 240. She was as wide as she was tall. Her mouth tasted like Maple syrup and her arms looked liked pinched sausage links. She had a rack on her that made this approach worthwhile. These things were pushing tripple letters in size. The guys were impressed with my find and egged me on. This was going to be fun, easy and profitable. I figure if I just turned off the lights we’d be allright. 

We get back to her apartment and start going at it. Her bra comes off and the nipples hit her knees. These things look like a slinky with flesh on them. So hammered, I start trying to gather them together and really only identify them by the dark brown pancaked sized nipples. I can’t find a light quick enough.

At this point, I am thinking about rolling this girl in the flour and looking for the wet spot. So, I start getting this gal from behind because I can recognize the ass crack, I mean, this crack is like 2 feet long. So doggy style we’re going at it and she is yelling “In my ass, put it in my ass!” So what the hell. I try, but its no use. For as fat as this girl is, her poop must look like pencils. I struggle. She says “Hang on” and reaches for her purse and pulls out a bottle of KY Jelly. I mean, who carries around KY Jelly? Especially Julie Cess Pool. I start laughing but work the KY in. 

We finish up and this girl wants to snuggle and I want nothing more than to get out of there. I finally just decide to pretend to pass out hoping she will do the same. It works. I get up and grab her bra from the floor. Looking at the size, I was right, it said something like 55FF-D. Looked like some hieroglyphics.

I get back to the house at like 2 in the morning. The guys I was with looked like they had struck out on their hoggin quest. I run into the room and exclaimed, “I won!” while holding the bra over my head like a heavyweight champion hold his belt.

The guys just start laughing. “Dude,” one says to me. “You lost!” Apparently it was all joke on me, no one else gave their $20 and I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. One of them looks up at me and says, “I’ll give you $20 for that bra.” 



~ by thebooger on August 23, 2008.

4 Responses to “Julie “Cess” Pool”

  1. wow. you have to be the most sickening, pathetic, horrible excuse for a human being i have ever come across in real life or the internet. i mean you know you’ll die alone right? people like you deserve to be shot in the head. multiple times. im not religious, but if theres a hell YOU’RE GOING.

  2. Thanks for reading, Rach.

    I am sure that people that come to our site are searching only the most wholesome of terms. How was it that you found us? Was it the “pancake nipples” tag that got you here?

    Y’all come back now, ya hear?

  3. You’re a fucking ass, I used to be a so-called “fat chick” that guys tried to hog, but I had more self-respect than to let some loser who wasn’t even my boyfriend chump me like that. Sorry this poor girl didn’t. I’m glad you were the only who put your $20 in. Serves you right, you mean- spirited prick. You WILL Die alone

  4. fuckin relax bitches!! storys hilarious

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