The Crime Mobile

Crimedog, aka, McGruff from previous posts had a late 80’s Chevy Suburban. The thing was a tank and could carry 10 people quite comfortably. We were quite blessed one evening for a number of reasons. One, we had some great mushrooms, two, we were in the Crime mobile and three, the yard at the house was huge. 

We had just come back from a local tavern and were pulling into the parking lot when Crime Dog decided he wanted to jump the Crime Mobile. The Crimedog put the truck in neutral and revved the gas, then put it into drive. By the time we hit the sand volley ball court we were going about 50 mph with sand flying everywhere, all of us laughing, and heading toward the basketball court. 

Now just south of the basketball court was a hill. This hill was about 15 feet tall and had an incline of about 75 degrees. Crimedog floored it and up the hill we went. At the top of the hill we caught air, guessing about four-five feet or so, maybe more, I don’t know, we were tripping. Felt like the Dukes of Hazzard but even more redneck and with drugs. 

I am in mid-air with the other idiots in the Crime Mobile, in complete bliss and laughter when Grateful Ed spills his beer all over me. As the car comes crashing down we go bouncing all over the place as Crime Dog tries to steady the truck on the ground and Grateful Ed’s beer soaks me head to toe. Now this wasn’t some plastic cup from a keg party, this was a stein of beer that Grateful Ed had taken with him from the tavern – stolen is a better word. 

So I start flipping out. “Fucking Grateful Ed, I am tripping balls and you are spilling beer all over the place!” The Crime mobile came to an abrupt stop and everyone just starts laughing at me and the moment. Brothers from the house start coming outside to see what they hell just tore up the yard. Classic.


~ by thebooger on September 5, 2008.

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