How to keep douche bags from joining your house

Don’t you hate when a douche bag wants to join your fraternity?  What the fuck are they thinking.  God dammit, there are plenty of other activities these stupid mutherfuckers can join, like GALA or something like that.  This one d-bag in particular came to our house during formal rush.  As soon as he walked in the fuckhead alarms went off in everyone’s heads.  Plenty of times you ask them what they wanted to get out of a fraternity and you told them that your’s offered exactly the opposite.  

For instance,

“I’d like to get a good mix of social life and study.”  (Who the fuck actually says that?)

Answer to the d-bag, “We have the lowest grades in the entire greek system, but we are working on it because we won’t have any parties this year.”  This is when we actually went to the library where we banged hot chicks in the book stacks while no one was looking.

Another way to get a d-bag to find other houses to pledge was to show them a shitty time when they toured.  Brother M’fer and Hasensack once took a total no pussy gettin’ loser on a tour of our stinky laundry room.  Tour’s over.  They walked him to the door and showed his ass out.  I think he got the picture.  

Sometimes you have to be more direct. Like, “Hey D-bag, no one here likes you.  I think you need to go somewhere else.  We don’t even want your dues you f-ing loser.”


As rush chair, I once signed a guy to our house that was a total loser.  Thing was that his cousin was a hot piece of ass that I went to high school with.  Yes, I was trying to bang her.  She told me this sob story that he just transferred into the school and had no social life.  When I met him I understood why.  Action Jackson was one of the biggest tools of all time. Girls literally ran from him.   I signed the guy despite my inner objections.  What made it all worse was that I didn’t get anywhere with the girl.  I fucking regret letting my testes get the best of my brain that day.


~ by Stan Gable on September 30, 2008.

One Response to “How to keep douche bags from joining your house”

  1. Gable, you dumb ass, I almost didn’t sign the house because I knew Action Jackson would be my pledge brother. I’ll have to post the story of us shaving his sideburns in a truck stop parking lot in order to continue on our walkout journey.

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