Tighty Whitey

Sometime around sophmore year, the recently initiated pledges, “newies” as in new to the brotherhood start getting serious about their drinking. Now I’m not sure if its in an effort to catch up with the junior and senior class tolerance levels or a new found sense of freedom, but these guys drink until they pass out. 

One night, we had a six way party at our house. Ten kegs, coolers full of Everclear and punch mix and some shitty band playing in the basement and cooler. Well at about 10 p.m. the house was packed and one of our newies, “Jimmy” decided he had had enough. After passing out in the hallway, a few of us carried him to his room with his girlfriend following behind us. She said she would take care of him.

Three hours goes by and Jimmy surfaces. Now the house is still packed wall to wall, band is still playing and people are hammered. Jimmy walks out of his room in his tighty whiteys and maneuvers about  20 yards in about 30 minutes to get to the bathroom. His eyes are barely opened and he is traveling more by feel than site. And we’re all just watching this unfold. 


Everyone is laughing at him, pointing, yelling “Tighty Whiteys” someone pulls his underwear down and he keeps walking, oblivious that his junk is flapping in the wind. Men are cheering, some girl starts grabbing his nut sack as he walks, its out of control. 

He makes his way to the stairs, his underwear at his knees and enters the community shitter. Four stalls, no doors. He leaves the door open and sits down to take a shit, his elbows resting on his knees and he passes out again. There’s a big debate on whether or not we should help him back to his room but no one wants to get near the smell coming out of his stall. People go in and out of the bathroom for the next 30 minutes laughing at Jimmy who sits there with his elbows on his knees and his hands supporting his head. We make the pledges go take a picture of him.

Finally, he wakes up and wipes himself in full view of the party. He gets up, pulls his tighty whiteys up and starts back to his room. He has red marks on his knees where his elbows are and people can’t get enough of him. He’s the hit of the party. He makes his way back to his room where he leaves the door open. We go and check on him a few minutes later and his girlfriend is sucking him off as he lies there passed out. So we stand there watching for a while, and finally ask what the hell she is doing, that he’s passed out and whatever. She says, “I am trying to get him hard!” and we say, “Why?” and she says, “Why do you think?” She gets up and closes the door.


~ by thebooger on March 26, 2009.

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